Walter on Holiday

Like Superman, Walter the Wild Teacher Librarian had an alter ego that only came out during school holiday time. Walter, after spending a full year at Ganglands High (and surviving), thought it time to celebrate hugely, and spent most of the holidays divesting himself of his life savings. After 22 years he'd managed to accrue a very princely sum indeed, and knew he could now afford three cocktails at his favourite bar. Well okay...it wasn't his favourite bar because he hadn't been able to afford the drink prices before now...but it was soon to become his favourite. Walter was in for a hot and heavy night. He thought it too boastful to yell his drink order to the bar person and attempted to whisper in case the available young ladies had their sights set on his dough. He was moneyed...it was obvious...but Walter was most adamant that he not be one of those tall poppies. The whispering however, did not produce the desired result and after the seventh attempt at communicating his want, had to yell above the noise.
"I'll have a Long, Slow, Comfortable youknowwhatsit" screamed Walter. 
"We don't serve anything like that sir." replied the bar person.
"Okay, I'll have a Quick youknowwhatsit in the Grass"
"None of those either sir."
"Then What the Fuck Do You Have?" Screamed Walter.
"Oh yes...Why didn't you say you wanted one of those? A shot of Absinthe with that sir?"
Clearly Walter had been out of circulation for too long. He sat on a bar stool to calm himself and started scoping the talent. Walter truly believed he looked quite suave with his new duds, coiffed 'do' and classy drink with the lime green umbrella (to match his shirt). 
Does Walter manage to get lucky? Will he ever be able to order a drink without a profane title? Join me soon for further adventures of Walter the wild teacher librarian.